Independence Day’s Unexpectedly Special Symbolism

By Brian Fletcher

Webster County Outreach Coordinator

Centers Against Violence

webster@wvcav.org

Independence Day is probably the single most important Holiday on the American calendar. It is, after all, the day we celebrate every year as the Anniversary of the day thirteen united colonies declared their independence from the English Crown. It is marked by parties, picnics, decorations of red, white, and blue; and more fireworks are put off on the Fourth of July in the US than some countries spend on their entire defense budgets.

However, for Domestic Violence survivors, Independence Day takes even more reverence. Survivors know with certainty that, while in abusive relationships, they were stripped of many of their liberties by their abusers. They often lost control of any money, most if not all the finances, control of whom they could interact with and when, or even the simple right to do simple things they once enjoyed. Those who have never been victims of domestic violence often have difficulty comprehending the sheer magnitude of control and subjugation abusers have over their victims. The autonomy people take for granted is no longer an option for victims; they learn to live within certain limits and boundaries to minimize (NOT eliminate) the wrath they are certain to experience at the hands of the abuser. The National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) describes this well. On their Independence Day post on their website, CEO Kim Gandy, is quoted as saying, “Suffering in an abusive relationship is the opposite of freedom and independence. Survivors who face violent and controlling partners simply cannot fully participate in our democratic system and pursue happiness.” While others are celebrating our country’s national freedom, those victims still living in abusive relationships are quietly counting down the minutes or seconds until their abuser’s next explosion, not the next fireworks display.

For survivors who are no longer in abusive relationships, that return of personal freedom takes on a much more reverent feel. For the first time in months, years, or decades, they have gotten their first job, opened their first bank account, gotten their first car. No one checks the odometer to see whether they’ve driven further than allowed. No one monitors spending to see if any personal leisure/pleasure items were purchased. No one questions why they came home 30 minutes early or 30 minutes late. They can talk to friends and family again without having guarded conversations. They can walk freely and safely in their own home. All of these are freedoms others take for granted; however, to the survivor of domestic violence, they are part of the journey to healing from physical and psychological trauma inflicted upon them by someone they once wholeheartedly trusted with their life. On the Facebook page, Confronting Domestic Violence, is a brilliant summary of just how special Independence Day is to survivors: “For the families we walk alongside, independence means something different. It is their first bank account in their own name. The first night without checking the locks twice. The first “no” that doesn’t cost them anything…. Freedom isn’t a fireworks moment. It’s a quiet rebuild, one ordinary decision at a time.” Nearly every reader of this paper personally knows a survivor of Domestic Violence. Thinking back on this past weekend’s celebration, please pause and take a moment to think about that survivor and the special reverence they now place on this nationally sacred day.